Salad used to be my entire damn personality. Like, if someone offered me pizza, I’d flinch and mutter something smug about “gut health.” I was that girl.
Spinach for breakfast, arugula for lunch, spring mix for dinner. I’d throw in some sad grilled chicken if I was feeling wild. Thought I was leveling up, glowing from the inside out. Sis, I was glowing alright… from a full-blown hormonal meltdown.
Wanna know what they don’t tell you when they shove salad propaganda down your throat like it’s gospel?
It can mess up your hormones. Like, really mess them up.
But salad is healthy, right? That’s what they drilled into our brains since we were five. Leafy greens = goddess status. But if that were true, why the hell was I bloated 24/7, freezing even in 30°C weather, craving sugar like a demon, and crying over literally nothing once a week?
Let’s get into it.
Cold Food = Cold Body = Cold Hormones
Nobody told me that eating cold, raw food all day can basically tell your thyroid to sit down and shut up. And guess what your thyroid controls? Everything. Metabolism, mood, periods, energy, your ability to not feel like a sloth on tranquilizers.
I was loading my plate with raw veggies thinking I was doing something spiritual—meanwhile, my body was screaming “WE’RE COLD, HUNGRY, AND MISERABLE.”
Chinese medicine has been side-eyeing raw food diets for centuries. Why? Because your digestive fire—yes, that’s a real thing—isn’t built for a constant stream of icy, raw, hard-to-break-down crap. You’re not a goat. You’re not meant to graze all damn day.
Estrogen Dominance, Anyone?
Let’s talk about all those “healthy” toppings we sprinkle on our salads—soy, tofu, flax seeds, edamame. You know what all those have in common? Phytoestrogens.
Look, I love a tofu bowl as much as the next earth-loving hippie, but when you drown your body in estrogen-mimicking compounds daily and wonder why your PMS feels like a death sentence—girl. Connect the dots.
Excess estrogen is a b*tch. It’ll give you mood swings, stubborn fat around your hips and thighs, breast tenderness, and periods that make you wanna punch someone in the throat.
Salad culture lowkey thrives on estrogen-heavy foods, and no one’s talking about it because we’re too busy doing “that girl” meal prep TikToks.
Where’s the Damn Fat?
I was terrified of putting dressing on my salad. God forbid I enjoy my meal. Nope, just lemon juice and maybe a whisper of olive oil if I was feeling rebellious.
You know what that did? Wrecked my hormones.
Your body needs fat. Real fat. Not 20-calorie vinaigrette lies. I’m talking egg yolks, grass-fed butter, avocado you didn’t rinse in lemon juice until it tastes like sadness.
Hormones are made from cholesterol. Period. If you’re depriving your body of fat, don’t be shocked when your period ghosts you, your skin starts acting like it’s 14 again, and you can’t think straight.
Salads Don’t Satisfy — And That’s a Red Flag
Let’s not pretend salad makes you full. Be serious.
I’d eat one, feel all virtuous and #clean, and then two hours later I’m knee-deep in snacks I swore I wouldn’t touch. Why? Because my body was starving. Not for calories—for nutrients, warmth, protein, and fat.
Chronic undereating? That’s a hormonal horror story waiting to happen. Say hello to burnout, brain fog, zero sex drive, brittle hair, and skin so dry it crackles.
The Guilt Salad Cycle™️
You know the one:
Eat salad → still hungry → eat “bad food” → feel shame → eat more salad → hate self → repeat.
This twisted game where salad becomes a punishment and hunger is treated like a character flaw? Yeah. That’s hormonal sabotage in disguise.
So What Do You Do?
Eat like your hormones matter. Warm, grounding, nourishing meals. Add protein. Add fat. Add salt. Cook your veggies. Drink broths. Use spices. Treat your body like it’s trying to heal, not shrink.
Salads can still exist. I’m not canceling lettuce. But don’t let that cold, crunchy bowl be the cornerstone of your diet. You deserve more than that.
You’re not a rabbit. You’re a whole ass woman with cycles, cravings, and cosmic power in her ovaries. Feed that.
If you’ve been tired, cranky, puffy, anxious, and confused about what the hell is going on inside your body—start looking at your plate.
It might just be that “healthy” salad dragging you down.
So yeah, maybe toss that lettuce. Or at least give it a damn massage and throw some steak on top.
Let’s eat like we actually wanna feel good.
